How I met my wife -- an interesting perspective on "The Law of Attraction"		A friend of mine (who happens to be a Presbyterian pastor) has been single for many years. He's looked and looked, played the field, even tried a couple of unsuccessful relationships. The other day, we were discussing his situation when it sprang to mind how my wife and I met, after a similarly long drought. I'd done all the things you're supposed to do -- asked friends for "referrals" ... tried to meet someone at church ... even went on Match.com. I wished so hard to attract my soulmate into my life that it felt as if my insides had twisted into knots! I prayed and prayed for God to send my soulmate my way. Dates showed up but the right one failed to materialize. Then, one day while meditating on the problem, I had an amazing insight (counselors call this phenonomon an AHA!). Instead of concentrating only on attracting the "right one" to me, I was suddenly struck by the awareness that somewhere out there was a woman who was looking for me! In that moment, I realized that I needed to change my prayer from "send me a gift" to, "please let the woman who's out there looking for me become aware of my existence...and to find me." After years of looking, within two weeks, she did find me, we felt as if we were "coming home" and, as happens in Soulmate movies, rather than sensing that we were "meeting" one another for the first time, the sensation was more that we had "re-discovered" one another. Psychologists might call this serendipity and Fundamentalist Christians might say that this was the fulfillment of "God's plan" but, whatever force was at work there, as soon as I stopped making my wish solely about my own desires and began to realize that I had something to offer that might be desirable to a special woman, we met. Ker-blam! Now, not only are we married, and very deeply in love, we each have found our Best Friend Ever! Give it a whirl. The thing you want so badly is the very thing someone else is yearning to give!

Seeing life through the movie theatre projectionist's eyes -- what fun!		The other night, my wife and I were at the movies watching a Denzil Washington film. About three-quarters of the way through, the picture sputtered to darkness. In fact, the entire theatre was dark. Then, an odd thing happened: everybody but us got up and fumbled their way out of the theatre. What was that all about?! Was everybody else afraid of the dark? Did they find the movie so boring that they figured they might as well go home? Were they on drugs that thought that the film had ended? Or, were we the crazy ones for continuing to sit there in the dark for about fifteen minutes thinking that they'd make repairs and we'd get to see the ending?! As it turned out, after sitting there for a quarter of an hour and starting to feel pretty silly, the lights came on and the projectionist came into the auditorium. He had a couple of guest tickets for us, which he handed over with an apology. He said that, the projector had broken part that he couldn't fix. He was a friendly fellow and told us that his name was Gary. My wife and I asked him about his job, how often projectors break, does he like the work? Stuff like that. He explained the nature of the equipment, its complexity, how it functions, etc. Suddenly, I had an inspiration: "Gary," I asked, "instead of explaining all this...could you show it to us?" He said, "Sure! Follow me!" He led us through a door "Employees Only" and up a narrow flight of stairs. We emerged into a slightly-lighted room that was probably at least a hundred feel long. All lined up in a row was a series of huge projectors, one after another, each aiming through a small porthole-like window...each was pointing into a a separate theatre auditorium. We followed Gary along past a line of these monster projectors until, at length, we stopped in front on the only one that was still and silent. You could easily see that a large pully had broken, thus the premature end of the movie. But, the "silver lining" aspect of this situation is that it turned into an adventure! We got an unepected "field trip" into the projection booth at a cinema multiplex. We learned that some theatres are now digital but others still have to have the big old projectors because Hollywood still produces many movies on film. The film, by the way, doesn't thread vertically on a reel like the old-time movie projectors used to. It lies on a huge round disk, about the size of a round table-top, and the film pulls off this horizontally and is then routed through a series of pulleys on the ceiling, across the room, and eventually down into the projector. We've all seen the sign, "Expect Miracles." I even have it on a Tee Shirt. This certainly wasn't the sort of miracle one experiences when a loved one is cured of cancer. But, it was a little miracle, a fun little bonus that was stuck in the middle of a movie night that almost turned into a dud. It was an unexpected nugget, an encounter that sweetened the evening in a way that we could never have foreseen when we left home to see the show. And, it was a glimpse at the backstage of Life that none of the others in the theatre had seen since they all departed when the screen went blank. And, the BONUS is that we can use our two free tickets to go back and see how the movie ended...a second date night for my wife and me that will be absolutely free. Thanks, God, for the fun little perk.

This little girl has a great lesson for us on giving, even "unimportant" stuff!		When her old uncle died, his four year old neice, Alicia, wanted to attend the funeral. The family talked it over and decided to try explaining to her that Uncle Albert hadn't actually died -- only his body was now lifeless -- and that Albert would live forever, in Infinity. A complex subject for a child, yet, she seemed to be untroubled by the fact that her uncle's still and lifeless body would be in the church.... Now, little Alicia wanted to bring her much-loved-but-rather-worn Barbie doll, Molly. Mom and Dad said, "No, Honey, not this time. Let's leave Molly home." Oddly unmoved by her parents' wishes, Alicia stubbornly and somewhat loudly proclaimed, "I love Molly! If she can't go, then I won't, either. Molly and I do everything together!" Since it was getting late and this seemed like no time to argue with a child who was inseparable from her doll, the parents crumbled and said, "Okay, Molly can come, too." Then, the family trundled off to the church. The service was held at the late uncle's Lutheran church with many family members and friends speaking on behalf of good old Albert. After everyone who desired to do so had gotten up and spoken their piece, the pastor then asked, "Does anyone else have something that they would like to share? What this little kid was about to do was soooo wonderful, so breathtakingly sweet! I'm going to get tears in my eyes again right now, just telling you what happened next.... Hearing the minister ask people to share, Alicia got up and, as the whole church sat in silence, uncertain as to what to do, this little girl slowly walked to the front of the church and laid her beloved Barbie doll, Molly, in the open casket. The congregation then heard her murmur softly, "I love you, Uncle Al. Here's my special friend Molly. She's going to go with you so you won't be lonely." I like to think of myself as a pretty selfless guy...but not that selfless. This small child taught me a powerful lesson in unconditional love that morning!

"I hate commercials, but here's a really cool one!"		If you're like me, you detest television commercials. Antacid tablets are tastelessly hawked by people with pained faces who hold their tummies ... people cough horrid hacking coughs from the t.v. screen, right in your living room ... every car dealer in town swearing that he has the absolute lowest prices. Yuck. But, then there was this one, enchantingly different! (There is no talk, no music, no sound effects during this entire commercial, or, at least not until the last five seconds.) The camera "watches" as a woman stops by a hospital room and sits silently, holding a bedridden old woman's hand. The patients eyes gleem and twinkle with the loving attention Then, this silent woman is shown at sitting in an office, comfortably chatting with a young couple, who hold hands, smile, and radiate love. But, we can't hear what is being said. Their beaming faces suggest,however, that they are discussing matrimony. Next, this woman sits on the floor, the only adult in a circle of young children, who gaze into her eyes as she speaks, probably telling them a story. Only, we can't hear what is being said. We just see the picture. Now, we see her at an accident scene, kneeling over an injured person laying on the ground as medics prepare to lift him onto a gurney and wisk him into the ambulance that is just pulling into the picture. Finally, after total silence for the entire commercial up until now, the camera zooms in for a closeup as our silent woman turns toward the lens for the first time. Smiling, she tells us, simply, "I'm a minister. I touch their lives." That's what we're supposed to do, too. Go spread God's Love in the world. Go do it!

"A few in congregation questions pastor's, big bucks antique business Bah! Enjoy the proceeds!!"		A pastor friend of mine, Ron, has a very lucrative hobby: dealing in antiques. But, his congregation isn't too thrilled with his avocation. It earns him more each year than his $45,000 salary from the church. But, Reverend Ron loves going out on scouting missions to find old furniture, paintings, clocks, etc. He loves bringing them back to his barn workshop, stripping them, and preparing them for resale. And, of course, he loves the money that he earns. For Ron, "antiqueing" provides the same kind of stress relief and overall enjoyment that fishing, golf, flying, or tennis provides for other folks. And, in spite of the raised eyebrows of his congregants, he intends to keep on with his antique business. In a sense, he needs to. And we do, too. Whether it's antiques, riding an old Harley on the weekend, or knitting, we all need something outside of our work lives to bring us joy, to decompress us. And, if it happens to be something that helps to create wealth, all the better. We tend to think of our employment as the place where we are rewarded with money, whereas hobbies should reward us emotionally, spiritually. But, as Ron says, "heck, hobbies are meant to be as rewarding as possible! Why not have one that fills both our hearts and our wallets?!" I quite agree. Life is short. Have fun. Reap as many rewards for your efforts as possible. You'll be happier. (And...be sure to share your joy and resources with others!)

"Do it Now! Tomorrow may never come!"		When I was a kid to try figuring out whether to go the seminary route or opt for the serenity of a monastery, I worked in what is now called facilities management. (I was a janitor for a brief period at Eastman Kodak Company.) Our department head belonged to a rather wealthy family and, one year, he inherited over two million dollars. But, he kept working, crawling around in dusty air conditioning ducts, helping to unclog overflowing sewers.... We all nagged at him to retire: "Al! You're a millionaire! What are you doing here?! But, his response always was that he loved his job and would stay at it until his planned retirement, just a year away. When the day rolled around for his retirement party, Al got up to make a speech, grabbed his chest, and keeled over. He was dead before the ambulance arrived. There are two messages here: 1) If you love what you're doing (and where you're doing it!), stay with that job. You've found your niche, found your bliss, something very, very few people ever manage to do. 2) But, if you are lumbering through each day, performing toil for people you don't like or respect, begin dreaming up a blueprint for a joyous change! Today is the day to start planning a move toward something you'd love! (Best not to run away from a bad situation...but to run toward something much better!) There's a great book called Life Is Uncertain, Eat Dessert First, by Sol Gordon and the title sums it up well. We don't know what situation may arise tomorrow that will prevent us once and for all from ever reaching our earthly goals...and finding happiness. But, we have today to make a good start! We live in a "spacious" world. There's ample opportunity for you to redirect your career into a pathway that will be personally enriching, as well as monetarily. Begin formulating a plan to find your niche today! (PS: Another cool book to check out is: "Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow: Discovering Your Right Livelihood" by Marsha Sinetar. There are more, abundantly! Feel free to drop us a note or give a quick call and we'll share some others with you. The Infinite Power is available within. Sometimes it just takes a bit of inspiring reading -- or one of our "Finding My Perfect Path" classes -- to jumpstart the process!)

"Second chances to be nice? My graduate students proved that we do get them!"		Once, along the Way, I was recruited to teach at a university. Among our graduate students were numerous psych majors. Several of them got together to do a little research project (actually inspired by a “Candid Camera” episode, I’m told.) They did a study of human nature using flat tires. What they did was stage a flat tire, using a perfectly good car as bait. They jacked it up, pulled out the spare, and had a student standing there by the side of the road. The student tried to wave people down for help, and only something like one in a hundred cars stopped. The experiment had a second component, though: About a mile down the road, they set up another car, also jacked up with a “flat” tire, and with someone trying to flag down passing motorists for help. In this case, though, something like one car in thirty stopped and offered assistance! What dynamic was operating here? The grad students theorized that people zoomed past the first motorist in “trouble” and began feeling guilty. They said things to themselves like, “I should have stopped for that broken-down car. Darn. Oh well, too late to turn around now. But, I promise that I will stop next time I see somebody in need….” And, as “fate” would have it, there was a “next time” about a minute later! Well, as we go through our day at the office, in the cafeteria, inter-departmental meetings, or just see some bewildered visitor lost in the hallway, we do have a chance to help. If you’re a minute late for a meeting, everyone will understand – and you’ll have an opportunity to plant the idea of being nice in their heads, too! If we’ve already blown an opportunity to be nice today, don’t worry! In life, as in my students’ experiment, we do get second chances to reach out to others. Try it, it’s fun!

"Where have the front porches gone? Church windows don't open anymore. The innocent summer days of the past have disappeared. But, here's how to have stress-relieving fun, anyway!!"		Television ads still try to induce the idea of peace, tranquility, and stressless living by showing us pictures of people lazing in a hammock in the back yard. Or, sipping ice tea while rocking on the front porch. And, ahhh, remember the smell of fresh air wafting in the window on a summer evening, driving out the heat of the day? But, those are little more than far-off fantasies in these days of houses without front porches, and nursing units with hermetically-sealed windows. Still, there are things we can do this summer that are stress-reliving, simple, inexpensive, and designed to get us back in touch with gentler, times and simpler lives. Go get an ice cream cone...but do it at one of those drive-up ice cream stands just outside of town. Sit still, lick the cone, taste the cone! Slowly. Savor it. S-l-o-w-l-y . . . . Forget the 20-Plex MovieLand at the Mall, just for one day. Instead, grab a bathing suit and an old towel. Pack a picnic. Put some stuff in there that you might have enjoyed as a kid. Be sure to take some stuff that's not good for you, potato salad, potato chips, cheese-doodles, yummies like that! Drive out to the state park you haven't visited in five years, lay down under a tree, look at the clouds. If it's warm enough, climb into the dammed-up creek with the cute college-age lifeguards, and swim a bit. Or, at least, kick your sneakers off and wade. Feel the water around your toes and ankles. F-e-e-l it! Go out to the local small airport where the Piper Cubs and the Cessenas are. There won't be any security checkpoints. Talk the the people who fly there. They won't have uniforms. They'll probably be wearing jeans or cutoffs, and will look a lot like you. I mean, talk with them! Ask how they got interested in flying. Is there a lot to know? How do you change the oil? What's it like to see their own house from the sky? To these people flying is a hobby and people love to talk about their hobbies. Who knows? You might even be invited to go up for a spin! (One or two may be cranky. That's why they fly -- to go out to the airport and shed their stress. Don't take it personally. They haven't decompressed yet. But, keep trying...someone there will be chatty...I promise! Build a campfire. Cook something over the flames. (Search Yahoo! for "Smores" and you'll get a chat group with some fun results and info!) Test drive the car you always dreamed about, but never bought. If you have a Ford, get a salesperson to give you a spin in a BMW. If you have a BMW, try a Ford convertible. Or, just for a giggle, hop into one of those jacked-up "big wheelie" things and bop around down for a few minutes, pretending you're in a Hollywood movie. Be sure to stop by one of your friends' houses! Go to one of your favorite restaurants and ask the manager to give you a quick tour of the kitchen. The servers get the tips...the kitchen staff gets to work in the heat over steaming kettles and sizzling grills. They'll go home and tell their families that someone actually cared about what they do and how they do it! Rent a canoe for an afternoon. You're a nurse. Ask the ambulance crew to actually let you inside and see the gizmos they have there. Swap stories. Make a new friend for about a half an hour. Who knows...? You should be aware that these ambulance people want you to like them and respect them. But, they (painfully) realize that we nursing and hospital people disdainfully think of them as "doctor and nurse wannabes" and, if you show an interest in their world, they will be very, very grateful. Ditto with the fire department. Haven't been there since that 6th grade field trip have you? Maybe they will let you put on a helmet and blow the siren. Do not pretend to be "too old for that kind of stuff" -- be a kid for a few minutes! Do the opposite of what you usually do one weekend soon. If you're a Lake Person, find a mountain or a hill town. If you're a Mountain Person, find a Lake Town. If you're a Tennis Person, go zing a few balls off the walls at the local driving range. If you're a Golf Person, take a tennis lesson (the first one is often free!) Go "apply" for a job in the last place on earth you'd ever want to work. Hate telemarketers? Great! Go apply for a job in one of their pressure-cooker sales offices. Sit down with a headset on...let them tell you what it's like...listen to the stories about the unbelievable things people like you and me have told them a second before slamming the phone down in their ears. You'll still hate telemarketers, but you'll have a different view of that world, and a few giggles along the way! Go fly a kite. I mean, literally. When was the last time you did that!? Go to the local downtown library, the big one, with the granite pillars out front. There's no charge, no one will bother you. (Funny how you'll just be able to wander anywhere you want and look at anything you want and touch anything you want, and it's totally okay!) Don't go in there with the idea that you have to accomplish anything. Just go in and see what that universe looks like from the inside! Stop and smell the flowers! Literally. Call the local park and arrange to meet their flower person, or tree expert, and they'll probably love to give you a few minutes, showing you their pride-and-joy plants, equipment, etc. Or, do the same thing at a local florist shop. Got a local public telescope in your town? (Try the college?) Those people love to tell you about craters on the moon, or about how there "might" be life on Star System #222059968bh3! Or, just put a blanket on the ground in your black yard, lay down after dark, and gaze at the stars, being drawn into them, like you did as a kid! Are you really uptight? Get a bed sheet and drape it over a couple of dining room chairs, and "camp" out in your own little "tent" like you did when you were ten. Only this time you get to bring French bread and cheese, and a bottle of wine! Next time it rains, go jump in a pubble and get your shoes wet. Then, call your Mom and tell her what you did and there's nothing she can do about it! (Hee hee!) I know, lots of these things seem silly, childish, totally unlike the "mature" (uptight) you. Precisely! Email me with your own idea, okay? Great!

As Mother Teresa sorta said, "Be nice ...and pass it on!"		Got a call from a woman who's "going nuts" because of all the tension at work. Groan. If your workplace is like so many, you have your share of creeps, troublemakers, and just plain ol' grouchy people. In years past, I bemoaned the fact that the people above me on the management ladder didn't "do something" about all the grumps. Then, I got to be the "boss" and people started complaining to me about "the situation" and expecting me to fix it. But how!? Ordering people to be nice didn't work. Coaching and Counseling them in "politeness skills" didn't do much, either. And, yelling at them to quit yelling at one another was a complete waste of time, too! So, I hunkered down in my comfy office, held all calls, locked the doors, and started reviewing all the cliches I could think of that addressed this issue. I came up with things like the old Chinese proverb (are there no new Chinese proverbs?) that says: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Okay, but what step? Fiddling around with my stack of training books and pamphlets, I ran across this from Mother Teresa: Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person. It sounds so simple, right? Overly-simplistic, in fact! But, it actually works! The reason that my yelled instructions for people to be nice didn't work is this: you can't give away something you don't have. When I personally was agitaged and angry, all I had within me at the moment to share was...yes...agitation and anger! If I wanted an end to anger, I had to demonstrate just that. I had to demonstrate an absence of anger. And, so I tried the "Mother Teresa Method" and started "doing it alone," person-by-person. They say that "laughter is contagious," and I found that this was true. When I happened into an atmosphere charged with meanness, every time I responded with calmness and peacefulness, it tended to spread out, sort of like the beautifully serene ripples that spread out across a pond when just a single pebble is tossed into the waters. Although this is based of Universal Principles ("God's Law"), I'm actually not preaching religious doctrine here but, when I religiously practiced gentleness in the midst of grumpiness, even in the thick of shouting matches, I found that many of the people present tended to emulate me and to become more gentle themselves. Those who didn't modulate their voices in imitation mostly marched off shouting over their shoulders things like, "you haven't heard the last of this!" or some such. But, at least they were gone, the mood in the room changed, much for the better. And, those who witnessed the transformation then subconsciously took this "new technique" into the hallways and offices and, like our pebble in the pond, let it ripple outward. PS: I obviously didn't change the world this way, yet. Little Bosnias and Kosovos and Iraqs still erupted in our church. But, on balance, things improved. Those who shouted and bullied out of some internal need to make others cringe lost the "reward" previously accorded them. They were no longer able to gain an audience of frightened -- or equally enraged -- co-workers. Some learned to behave more civilly in order to get anyone to pay any attention to them at all. Others stopped acting out at work but were probably still driven to abuse someone and took their acting-out behavior elsewhere. And, some still carried on like creeps, period. But, there was an overall improvement when I stopped responding to anger with anger, and those who "imitated" me passed this gentler way of being on to others. Oh, yeah. Visualize Peace. Picture God's Infinite, Gentle Peace, flowing over and delightfully embracing everyone you meet. Especially those who are acting like meanies! Thank you for the reminder, Mother Teresa!

"Oh, God! That creep Betty is at it again!"		You know, churches are supposed to be serene places. Holy. Hallowed. Places where brother and sisterhood prevail, where the Holy Spirit settles over one and all, sending a sort of cosmic Pixie Dust to make everyone happy, content, and full of Love! Ah. Were it only that way. Unfortunately, the people who work at churches are still people, you know, pretty much run-of-the-mill folks with problems that are just not left at the door. Well, we had this secretary named Betty. Just the mention of her name causes a negative emotional response. The little hairs on the back of my neck twitch. My stomach starts to knot up. This woman acted like a real creep. (Dare I use the word, "diabolical"?). If there was an annoying place for her to stick her nose, it was there! "Control Freak" would be 'way too polite a term. "Witch" would be more to the point but, I suppose a pastor should be above such name-calling. Sigh. Yet, here was this snotty, prune-faced, poop-stirring, know-it-all woman in my midst. She'd run to the board, or even to the denomination's management, whining that that every executive decision was wrong, that every policy was a disaster, every practice a sin and that, in general, "this church is a stupid place run by an equally stupid man." Betty was constantly trying to tell everyone who would listen her own personal vision for how to run things. One day, in exasperation, I decided to call Betty's bluff. Instead of either firing her or letting her continue to be a part of the PROBLEM, I decided to give this thorn in all our sides a chance to actually try out her own ideas, and become a part of the CURE. She was placed on a self-directed work team, and on a curriculum development committee. I also asked her to set up a three-person "task force" to determine potential ways to streamlining our office operations. Her complaining stopped, she matured, and she actually began asking for additional responsibilities! Now, instead of being a pain in the neck, Betty became a helpful and valued member of our team. Thank you, God! Sincerely! Do YOU have someone who is giving inappropriate signals (but signals nonetheless) of wanting more responsibility? As in Betty's case, instead of firing, promotion may be the answer!